No truth to the rumor that….
Mike Helton and Jacque Debris are the same person
Faux King Brian declares Johnny Walker as a dependent on his income taxes
Santa delivered a tanker truck full of Scotch to a certain condo in Daytona Beach
KyBu and KuBu will be having a whine-fest at KyBu’s place on New Year’s Eve 2012
Santa was subpoenaed regarding a paternity test to prove he wasn’t the father of Faux King Brian’s off-spring
Larry Mac’s head will be sponsored by Turtle Wax for the 2012 race season
Motormouth Mikey received a pink tutu to wear on South Beach after the 2012 Homestead race.
NA$CAR will follow the WWE by having their own network.
The Motormouth Brothers signed a contract with ESPN-8, The Ocho, to cover tiddly winks with manhole cover tournaments instead of covering NA$CAR in 2012.
Zippy will be the crew chief to NA$CAR’s celebrity spokesmodel Danican’t 6 times in the same season after being fired by her 6 times.
John Darby bought stock in the Hair Club for Men
KyBu was blocked in his room Christmas morning because Santa overfilled his stocking with coal
JPM finally got the computer print out of his speeding penalty from John Darby for Christmas
Ron Hornaday dressed up in a Santa suit and filled all of KyBu’s vehicles with bull manure
Santa will padlock the Motormouth Brothers mouths shut during the 2012 race season
MWR got caught trying to boost their horsepower using gerbils on a treadmill
Badyear actually produced a NA$CAR racing tire that will actually last an entire race
Faux King Brian was caught supplementing his “sodas” with ethanol from the pump
All 43 cars that start the race will actually be shown by Focks & BSPN during all their broadcast
BSPN will hold its own against NBC Sports
Matt McLaughlin & I are the same person
Midget cars raced a 500 lapper inside the waistband of a pair of Mike Helton’s old 1990 pants
KuBu said to KyBu, “Mom always liked you best”
Cheech & Chong will enter a hemp powered car driven by Ashley Roachclip in the Daytona 500
NA$CAR’s celebrity spokesmodel Danican’t will be doing endorsement ads for the step ladder company that provides the step ladders used for her to get into her car
The person who stole the Aegis Labs laptop refused to steal Jimmie Johnson’s identity because he’s so boring
Faux King Brian was found spiking his “soda” with actual soda
Chad Knaus’ New Years Resolution was not to cheat, I mean exploit the gray area in 2012
JC France was caught trying to snort the white lines around DIS
Bruton Smith had a special buffer installed in his office to keep his head shiny
Mike Helton keeps Faux King Brian’s brain in a mason jar full of moonshine
NA$CAR’s celebrity spokesmodel Danican’t is teaching sailors how to swear
Somebody might find this humorous
I’m actually am sane and know what I’m doing
Faux King Brian knows what’s best for the sport
Curtis Turner for 2016 HOF
Showing posts with label Ron Hornaday. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Ron Hornaday. Show all posts
Friday, January 13, 2012
Friday, November 11, 2011
Loose Lugnuts by Mike Sanders
***Race Mama should be back from the old country and back running the normal articles at Laidbackracing.com next week. I want to thank Dawg Chapman and Mike Sanders for allowing me to post their articles here at the Laidback Lounge***
Wrecktacular!
Short track racing is supposed to be about bumpin' and beatin' and bangin', trying to squeeze your car into a tight spot to gain that next position on the track. But I do believe that The Sheriff took that to a new level at Martinsville a couple of weeks ago. He sure didn't act like a driver who is supposed to be out of a job at the end of the year, and should be using the last few races as an audition for a ride in 2012. He acted like a graduate of the Steven Wallace School of Driving, as he managed to take out about half of the field by himself. Maybe he has a relative that owns a sheet metal manufacturing plant, and wanted to drum up a little business.
Transcript Of The Secret Moustache/Cheating Weasel Tapes
Apparently, Nixon wasn't the only one who secretly recorded conversations in his office. I guess that Moustache Helton does it, too. The following is a transcript of the conversation he had with Cheating Weasel after C.W.'s pre-race orders to Bent Sh!tcan at Talladega, where he told him to intentionally smash in the rear of the car if he won the race, thereby removing any evidence of the cheating...err, extra preparations C.W. had made to the 48 car:
C.W.: Good morning, Mr. Helton.
M.H.: Good morning, Chad. Now about your conversation with Jimmie before the race at Talladega...
C.W.: Excuse me please, Mr. Helton, but before we get started I'd like to present to you a gift from Mr. Hendrick. It is a donation to Mr. France's liquor fund...err, favorite charity. And I also have a gift for you, too. Mr. Hendrick doesn't forget his friends.
M.H.: My goodness, that's very generous of Rick. Very generous, indeed. Umm...what were we talking about?
C.W.: About my talk with Jimmie before the Talladega race.
M.H.: Oh yes. You do realize that we cannot allow the integrity of the sport to be questioned or doubted. I'll have to ask you some very
tough questions to make sure everything is on the up and up.
C.W.: Of course.
M.H.: Okay then...what's your favorite color?
C.W.: Green
M.H.: Good answer. Well then, I think we're done here. I hope you've learned your lesson.
C.W.: Why yes, I have.
M.H.: Alright then. Have a good day and tell your boss thanks for the generous gifts.
C.W.: I will, sir.
Shrub: NASCAR's T.O.?
Terrell Owens is a very talented NFL wide receiver, probably a future Hall of Famer. But he has bounced around from team to team because for all of his talent on the field, he is a cancer in the locker room. Teams put up with his crap for just so long, and then figure they have to cut ties with him. Shrub may be NASCAR's version of Terrell Owens. He undoubtedly has talent, but along with his million dollar talent he has a two dollar brain. Sometimes he really comes across as someone whose emotional development stopped at the age of eight. He still thinks he's playing with toys, except these toys are bigger, faster, more expensive, and a lot more dangerous then the ones he played with as a child. Eventually, his negatives override his positives, and it becomes time for his boss to let him go. The Felon probably could have kept him in his stable of drivers, but chose to let him go. You wonder how long it will be before The Coach, feeling a lot of heat from the 18 car's primary sponsor, cuts him loose as well. If that happens, then what? Maybe instead of starting his own Danica Series team, he'd be better off starting his own Cup team, because he might be the only owner who would want him as a driver. Sponsors are calling the shots more and more in NASCAR these days, and Shrub might be looking for a ride next year.
Weapons-Grade Stupidity
A certain writer for a certain web site that is associated with a certain four-letter sports network, who has a D.W.-sized man crush on Shrub, while writing about the incident that precipitated Shrub sitting out the Danica and Cup races at Texas last week, described Ron Hornaday, Jr. as a "journeyman" driver. Journeyman? JOURNEYMAN?!? To me, the term is used to describe an athlete who either has a minimum of talent, enough to barely keep a job, or someone who bounces from team to team. Well, that's about the LAST term I'd use to describe Ron Hornaday. Let's see: the all-time leader in Truck Series wins with 51 (including 4 this year), a four-time Truck Series Champion, and in the top five in points in 9 of his 14 years. Nope, talent isn't a question. Maybe he hops around from team to team, like some drivers. Let's see: 122 races with DEI and 174 for Kevin Harvick. 296 of his 299 races split between two teams, one of which is already defunct, and the other one that is about to become defunct. Nope, he's not a hopper. Damn "fatman", if you had bothered to do five minutes of research, you wouldn't be calling Hornaday a journeyman.
You can contact Mike Sanders here
Wrecktacular!
Short track racing is supposed to be about bumpin' and beatin' and bangin', trying to squeeze your car into a tight spot to gain that next position on the track. But I do believe that The Sheriff took that to a new level at Martinsville a couple of weeks ago. He sure didn't act like a driver who is supposed to be out of a job at the end of the year, and should be using the last few races as an audition for a ride in 2012. He acted like a graduate of the Steven Wallace School of Driving, as he managed to take out about half of the field by himself. Maybe he has a relative that owns a sheet metal manufacturing plant, and wanted to drum up a little business.
Transcript Of The Secret Moustache/Cheating Weasel Tapes
Apparently, Nixon wasn't the only one who secretly recorded conversations in his office. I guess that Moustache Helton does it, too. The following is a transcript of the conversation he had with Cheating Weasel after C.W.'s pre-race orders to Bent Sh!tcan at Talladega, where he told him to intentionally smash in the rear of the car if he won the race, thereby removing any evidence of the cheating...err, extra preparations C.W. had made to the 48 car:
C.W.: Good morning, Mr. Helton.
M.H.: Good morning, Chad. Now about your conversation with Jimmie before the race at Talladega...
C.W.: Excuse me please, Mr. Helton, but before we get started I'd like to present to you a gift from Mr. Hendrick. It is a donation to Mr. France's liquor fund...err, favorite charity. And I also have a gift for you, too. Mr. Hendrick doesn't forget his friends.
M.H.: My goodness, that's very generous of Rick. Very generous, indeed. Umm...what were we talking about?
C.W.: About my talk with Jimmie before the Talladega race.
M.H.: Oh yes. You do realize that we cannot allow the integrity of the sport to be questioned or doubted. I'll have to ask you some very
tough questions to make sure everything is on the up and up.
C.W.: Of course.
M.H.: Okay then...what's your favorite color?
C.W.: Green
M.H.: Good answer. Well then, I think we're done here. I hope you've learned your lesson.
C.W.: Why yes, I have.
M.H.: Alright then. Have a good day and tell your boss thanks for the generous gifts.
C.W.: I will, sir.
Shrub: NASCAR's T.O.?
Terrell Owens is a very talented NFL wide receiver, probably a future Hall of Famer. But he has bounced around from team to team because for all of his talent on the field, he is a cancer in the locker room. Teams put up with his crap for just so long, and then figure they have to cut ties with him. Shrub may be NASCAR's version of Terrell Owens. He undoubtedly has talent, but along with his million dollar talent he has a two dollar brain. Sometimes he really comes across as someone whose emotional development stopped at the age of eight. He still thinks he's playing with toys, except these toys are bigger, faster, more expensive, and a lot more dangerous then the ones he played with as a child. Eventually, his negatives override his positives, and it becomes time for his boss to let him go. The Felon probably could have kept him in his stable of drivers, but chose to let him go. You wonder how long it will be before The Coach, feeling a lot of heat from the 18 car's primary sponsor, cuts him loose as well. If that happens, then what? Maybe instead of starting his own Danica Series team, he'd be better off starting his own Cup team, because he might be the only owner who would want him as a driver. Sponsors are calling the shots more and more in NASCAR these days, and Shrub might be looking for a ride next year.
Weapons-Grade Stupidity
A certain writer for a certain web site that is associated with a certain four-letter sports network, who has a D.W.-sized man crush on Shrub, while writing about the incident that precipitated Shrub sitting out the Danica and Cup races at Texas last week, described Ron Hornaday, Jr. as a "journeyman" driver. Journeyman? JOURNEYMAN?!? To me, the term is used to describe an athlete who either has a minimum of talent, enough to barely keep a job, or someone who bounces from team to team. Well, that's about the LAST term I'd use to describe Ron Hornaday. Let's see: the all-time leader in Truck Series wins with 51 (including 4 this year), a four-time Truck Series Champion, and in the top five in points in 9 of his 14 years. Nope, talent isn't a question. Maybe he hops around from team to team, like some drivers. Let's see: 122 races with DEI and 174 for Kevin Harvick. 296 of his 299 races split between two teams, one of which is already defunct, and the other one that is about to become defunct. Nope, he's not a hopper. Damn "fatman", if you had bothered to do five minutes of research, you wouldn't be calling Hornaday a journeyman.
You can contact Mike Sanders here
Tuesday, November 8, 2011
Shrub & His Bush League Move - by Dawg Chapman
By now everyone knows all about Shrub having stepped in it once again.
Maybe stepped in it is a little mild. It's more like dived in head first, &
wallowed in it.
After reflecting on it, he issued a very sincere, & contrite sounding statement. Of course he did, after all, practice makes perfect, & we know he's had plenty of practice at being sincere, & contrite. After the fact.
The statement he gave after the mugging was way closer to the real Kyle
Bush. "I brushed the wall, but my truck was hurt where I don't think we could have
won." Kyle went on to say that Hornaday could see that they were going to be
three wide, & should have backed off. It would seem to me that Kyle could
also have seen the same thing, & as the truck behind as well as the one on
the outside. He was the one more in position to back off.
What I heard from this defiant self-serving statement was Me, Me, Me, It's
All About Me. He then went on to ask, Who's going to fix my truck, after it wrecked the first time? I found this pretty laughable, as neither truck sustained much
damage before he wantonly, & willfully destroyed both trucks.
So much for the so called, "new" Busch. He's once again shown us the real person, hiding behind the attempt to polish his image.
He again proved to be petulant, egotistical, & totally self-centered, with a huge sense of entitlement.This is not the first instance of him going down to another series, & wrecking someone on purpose who's running for points.
The first statement that Kyle gave with no hint of apology, & trying to
shift the blame to Ron Hornaday was Kyle trying to justify something that
was, & is totally unjustifiable.
The second one with apologies all around, was most probably written by some
PR guy, trying to do damage control. After everyone from NASCAR, to his
sponsor had weighed in.
I now see that NASCAR has levied a fine, on top of the suspension.
Nice to see them finally grow a set, & do what they were supposed to
have been doing all along.
Joe Gibbs issued a statement saying in essence, that they were weighing
their options. Coach really doesn't have a very enviable record of dealing with problem behavior within the organization. I would guess what that really means is
that he's got his finger in the wind.
There's no doubt that this whole sorry deal has been a huge embarrassment
for NASCAR, Gibbs, Toyota, & Mars. It would seem to be primarily up to Mars what happens now.
Some have suggested that Kyle should be parked for the rest of the season.
I think we all know that's not going to happen.
What I think really needs to happen is for Shrub to grow up.
He seems to be way behind the maturity curve, & quite frankly,
I don't have a clue what it's going to take, for him to catch up.
But, I've said this before, & I'll say it again.
Shrub just doesn't seem to me to be the ideal candy salesman.
Matt Kenseth on the other hand, could still get them their TV
time. Without the controversy, Hmmm.
You can contact Dawg here
Maybe stepped in it is a little mild. It's more like dived in head first, &
wallowed in it.
After reflecting on it, he issued a very sincere, & contrite sounding statement. Of course he did, after all, practice makes perfect, & we know he's had plenty of practice at being sincere, & contrite. After the fact.
The statement he gave after the mugging was way closer to the real Kyle
Bush. "I brushed the wall, but my truck was hurt where I don't think we could have
won." Kyle went on to say that Hornaday could see that they were going to be
three wide, & should have backed off. It would seem to me that Kyle could
also have seen the same thing, & as the truck behind as well as the one on
the outside. He was the one more in position to back off.
What I heard from this defiant self-serving statement was Me, Me, Me, It's
All About Me. He then went on to ask, Who's going to fix my truck, after it wrecked the first time? I found this pretty laughable, as neither truck sustained much
damage before he wantonly, & willfully destroyed both trucks.
So much for the so called, "new" Busch. He's once again shown us the real person, hiding behind the attempt to polish his image.
He again proved to be petulant, egotistical, & totally self-centered, with a huge sense of entitlement.This is not the first instance of him going down to another series, & wrecking someone on purpose who's running for points.
The first statement that Kyle gave with no hint of apology, & trying to
shift the blame to Ron Hornaday was Kyle trying to justify something that
was, & is totally unjustifiable.
The second one with apologies all around, was most probably written by some
PR guy, trying to do damage control. After everyone from NASCAR, to his
sponsor had weighed in.
I now see that NASCAR has levied a fine, on top of the suspension.
Nice to see them finally grow a set, & do what they were supposed to
have been doing all along.
Joe Gibbs issued a statement saying in essence, that they were weighing
their options. Coach really doesn't have a very enviable record of dealing with problem behavior within the organization. I would guess what that really means is
that he's got his finger in the wind.
There's no doubt that this whole sorry deal has been a huge embarrassment
for NASCAR, Gibbs, Toyota, & Mars. It would seem to be primarily up to Mars what happens now.
Some have suggested that Kyle should be parked for the rest of the season.
I think we all know that's not going to happen.
What I think really needs to happen is for Shrub to grow up.
He seems to be way behind the maturity curve, & quite frankly,
I don't have a clue what it's going to take, for him to catch up.
But, I've said this before, & I'll say it again.
Shrub just doesn't seem to me to be the ideal candy salesman.
Matt Kenseth on the other hand, could still get them their TV
time. Without the controversy, Hmmm.
You can contact Dawg here
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