Curtis Turner for 2016 HOF

Curtis Turner for 2016 HOF

Friday, January 13, 2012

No Truth To The Rumor That...

No truth to the rumor that….

Mike Helton and Jacque Debris are the same person
Faux King Brian declares Johnny Walker as a dependent on his income taxes
Santa delivered a tanker truck full of Scotch to a certain condo in Daytona Beach
KyBu and KuBu will be having a whine-fest at KyBu’s place on New Year’s Eve 2012
Santa was subpoenaed regarding a paternity test to prove he wasn’t the father of Faux King Brian’s off-spring
Larry Mac’s head will be sponsored by Turtle Wax for the 2012 race season
Motormouth Mikey received a pink tutu to wear on South Beach after the 2012 Homestead race.
NA$CAR will follow the WWE by having their own network.
The Motormouth Brothers signed a contract with ESPN-8, The Ocho, to cover tiddly winks with manhole cover tournaments instead of covering NA$CAR in 2012.
Zippy will be the crew chief to NA$CAR’s celebrity spokesmodel Danican’t 6 times in the same season after being fired by her 6 times.
John Darby bought stock in the Hair Club for Men
KyBu was blocked in his room Christmas morning because Santa overfilled his stocking with coal
JPM finally got the computer print out of his speeding penalty from John Darby for Christmas
Ron Hornaday dressed up in a Santa suit and filled all of KyBu’s vehicles with bull manure
Santa will padlock the Motormouth Brothers mouths shut during the 2012 race season
MWR got caught trying to boost their horsepower using gerbils on a treadmill
Badyear actually produced a NA$CAR racing tire that will actually last an entire race
Faux King Brian was caught supplementing his “sodas” with ethanol from the pump
All 43 cars that start the race will actually be shown by Focks & BSPN during all their broadcast
BSPN will hold its own against NBC Sports
Matt McLaughlin & I are the same person
Midget cars raced a 500 lapper inside the waistband of a pair of Mike Helton’s old 1990 pants
KuBu said to KyBu, “Mom always liked you best”
Cheech & Chong will enter a hemp powered car driven by Ashley Roachclip in the Daytona 500
NA$CAR’s celebrity spokesmodel Danican’t will be doing endorsement ads for the step ladder company that provides the step ladders used for her to get into her car
The person who stole the Aegis Labs laptop refused to steal Jimmie Johnson’s identity because he’s so boring
Faux King Brian was found spiking his “soda” with actual soda
Chad Knaus’ New Years Resolution was not to cheat, I mean exploit the gray area in 2012
JC France was caught trying to snort the white lines around DIS
Bruton Smith had a special buffer installed in his office to keep his head shiny
Mike Helton keeps Faux King Brian’s brain in a mason jar full of moonshine
NA$CAR’s celebrity spokesmodel Danican’t is teaching sailors how to swear
Somebody might find this humorous
I’m actually am sane and know what I’m doing
Faux King Brian knows what’s best for the sport


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