Will Danica Save NASCAR?

First off, does NASCAR, really need to be saved? Short answer, no.....
but it damn sure can use some help. In the short run, I'm sure Danica's
presence will help.

Jimmy Johnson has won 55 Cup races. As well as 5 Championships, in a row
in what is arguably the most competitive form of motorsports in the world.
Just think for a minute about how many times you see Jimmy on TV in non
racing related situations. Versus Danica who's all over the TV, seemingly
all the time.

Surprisingly, the driver next to Danica, that I see the most on TV outside
of the races is Casey Mears, in his GEICO commercials. Personally I liked
the ones with Mike, & Lauren, Wallace, "story with me is, put him in the
wall." See, if I still remember it. It was an effective commercial, but that
ship has sailed.

The jury's still out on whether she's better known as Danica, the racer, or
Danica, the Go Daddy Girl. The real point here is that she IS, known.
The combination of her talent, looks, & a deep pocket sponsor,
( I'll let you sort these into any order you like, ) have all come together
into the 'perfect marketing storm'.

Until she is able to balance this marketing blitz, (or hype,) with on track
performance, many long time NASCAR fans are going to continue to be turned
off. Regardless of how they feel about this, they're not going to abandon
the sport.

On the other hand, she does have the ability to attract new fans.
In this respect, her presence can't help but be good for the sport.

We've all read the stories about how Dale Jr. winning, will give NASCAR
a big lift. No argument here. Every fan wants to see his, or her, driver
winning. As Dale Jr. has the most fans, then it stands to reason that his
winning would be very good for the sport.

That having been said, this sport is bigger than any of it's stars.
It's bigger than the sum of it's parts, but some of it's parts aren't
doing so well.

My opinion is that overall NASCAR's not nearly as healthy as they
would have us believe. The France family, on the other hand, are
doing extremely well, but are they slowly killing their golden goose?

The economy is getting the lion's share of the blame, & there's no doubt
that it's a big factor, but the decline started before the economic
downturn.

NASCAR has a number of things that need to be addressed to help reverse,
or at least stabilize, it's slide. I'll just focus on a couple of them.

They need exciting on track action. Fights, feuds, & wrecks, serve as
distractions. But until they can come up with a way to make the week, to
week, racing on the so called, 'Cookie Cutter', tracks something that
fans look forward to. Then they've still got a lot of work to do.
Running cars that fans can identify with would be a very good start.

The second thing they need, & this is absolutely critical, is financially
stable owners.

As things stand, being a NASCAR owner, in either Cup, or Nationwide
is absolutely the worst job in the sport. You don't see the drivers going
broke, & leaving the sport, but it's common for owners. Kevin Buckler,
& Rusty Wallace were just the last in a long line, & they won't be the last
for long.

While Rusty, didn't technically go broke. He shuttered his team to avoid it.
Thus proving that his eyesight is still plenty good enough to read the
writing on the wall.

Much has been written about the age of the owners, so I won't plow that
ground again. But I will say this, the sport needs is new owners that will
carry on the traditions laid down by people like the Wood Bros.,
Richard Petty, Rick Hendrick, (regardless of your personal feelings about
him) Roger Penske, Richard Childress, Jack Roush, Joe Gibbs, & yes,
Robby Gordon. It was guys like Robby, that built the sport, & the fact that
he's the only one left, & hanging by a thread is part of the problem.

Instead, we've gotten Bobby Ginn, George Gillett, & Dietrich Mateschitz.
I'm sure that these guys came into the sport, with all the best of intentions.
But the money pit that NASCAR has become, caused them all to flame out
quickly leaving havoc in their wake.

It shouldn't take a business empire to fund a team. A well run team should
pay it's own way. That isn't the case currently. Some of the blame has to
rest with the owners themselves. But a big part of this is on NASCAR.

Two ways this could happen. One would be to franchise the teams, but given the
NASCAR mind set I doubt this will ever happen.

The other way would be for NASCAR to quit sucking up every dollar they can lay
hands on for their own bank account, & see that sponsorship money goes on
cars. Rather than going be the Official whatever, of NASCAR. In the Go Go
days when sponsorship was plentiful this didn't really hurt so much, now it
does.

With the current leadership, (?) a quote from The Man From Snowy River,
comes to mind. "Not Bloody Likely."

The first two Frances, were into racing. Think back to how many times in the
TV era that we saw Bill France. When Cup raced, he was there.
Currently, Brian seems much more into marketing, & leaving the racing to
others. Second thought, that might not be such a bad thing.

I think that if I were called to the NASCAR trailer, by Mike Helton I'd be all
" yes sir, no sir, whatever you say sir". On the other hand, if I were called in by
Brian France, I'd probably have a really hard time not giggling. Helton, seems
like a guy that would have a blackjack in his back pocket. Brian, on the other hand, reminds me more of a guy with a condom in his wallet, & he's carried the same one
for like 5 years.

Bottom line, both Danica, & Dale Jr. have the star power to help NASCAR. But only NASCAR, can solve it's underlying problems.

No Truth To The Rumor That...

No truth to the rumor that….

Mike Helton and Jacque Debris are the same person
　
Faux King Brian declares Johnny Walker as a dependent on his income taxes
　
Santa delivered a tanker truck full of Scotch to a certain condo in Daytona Beach
　
KyBu and KuBu will be having a whine-fest at KyBu’s place on New Year’s Eve 2012
　
Santa was subpoenaed regarding a paternity test to prove he wasn’t the father of Faux King Brian’s off-spring
　
Larry Mac’s head will be sponsored by Turtle Wax for the 2012 race season
　
Motormouth Mikey received a pink tutu to wear on South Beach after the 2012 Homestead race.
　
NA$CAR will follow the WWE by having their own network.
　
The Motormouth Brothers signed a contract with ESPN-8, The Ocho, to cover tiddly winks with manhole cover tournaments instead of covering NA$CAR in 2012.
　
Zippy will be the crew chief to NA$CAR’s celebrity spokesmodel Danican’t 6 times in the same season after being fired by her 6 times.
　
John Darby bought stock in the Hair Club for Men
　
KyBu was blocked in his room Christmas morning because Santa overfilled his stocking with coal
　
JPM finally got the computer print out of his speeding penalty from John Darby for Christmas
　
Ron Hornaday dressed up in a Santa suit and filled all of KyBu’s vehicles with bull manure
　
Santa will padlock the Motormouth Brothers mouths shut during the 2012 race season
　
MWR got caught trying to boost their horsepower using gerbils on a treadmill
　
Badyear actually produced a NA$CAR racing tire that will actually last an entire race
　
Faux King Brian was caught supplementing his “sodas” with ethanol from the pump
　
All 43 cars that start the race will actually be shown by Focks & BSPN during all their broadcast
　
BSPN will hold its own against NBC Sports
　
Matt McLaughlin & I are the same person
　
Midget cars raced a 500 lapper inside the waistband of a pair of Mike Helton’s old 1990 pants
　
KuBu said to KyBu, “Mom always liked you best”
　
Cheech & Chong will enter a hemp powered car driven by Ashley Roachclip in the Daytona 500
　
NA$CAR’s celebrity spokesmodel Danican’t will be doing endorsement ads for the step ladder company that provides the step ladders used for her to get into her car
　
The person who stole the Aegis Labs laptop refused to steal Jimmie Johnson’s identity because he’s so boring
　
Faux King Brian was found spiking his “soda” with actual soda
　
Chad Knaus’ New Years Resolution was not to cheat, I mean exploit the gray area in 2012
　
JC France was caught trying to snort the white lines around DIS
　
Bruton Smith had a special buffer installed in his office to keep his head shiny
　
Mike Helton keeps Faux King Brian’s brain in a mason jar full of moonshine
　
NA$CAR’s celebrity spokesmodel Danican’t is teaching sailors how to swear
　
Somebody might find this humorous
　
I’m actually am sane and know what I’m doing
　
Faux King Brian knows what’s best for the sport
　

　

Loose Lugnuts by Mike Sanders

***Race Mama should be back from the old country and back running the normal articles at Laidbackracing.com next week. I want to thank Dawg Chapman and Mike Sanders for allowing me to post their articles here at the Laidback Lounge***

Wrecktacular!
Short track racing is supposed to be about bumpin' and beatin' and bangin', trying to squeeze your car into a tight spot to gain that next position on the track. But I do believe that The Sheriff took that to a new level at Martinsville a couple of weeks ago. He sure didn't act like a driver who is supposed to be out of a job at the end of the year, and should be using the last few races as an audition for a ride in 2012. He acted like a graduate of the Steven Wallace School of Driving, as he managed to take out about half of the field by himself. Maybe he has a relative that owns a sheet metal manufacturing plant, and wanted to drum up a little business.

Transcript Of The Secret Moustache/Cheating Weasel Tapes
Apparently, Nixon wasn't the only one who secretly recorded conversations in his office. I guess that Moustache Helton does it, too. The following is a transcript of the conversation he had with Cheating Weasel after C.W.'s pre-race orders to Bent Sh!tcan at Talladega, where he told him to intentionally smash in the rear of the car if he won the race, thereby removing any evidence of the cheating...err, extra preparations C.W. had made to the 48 car:

C.W.: Good morning, Mr. Helton.
M.H.: Good morning, Chad. Now about your conversation with Jimmie before the race at Talladega...
C.W.: Excuse me please, Mr. Helton, but before we get started I'd like to present to you a gift from Mr. Hendrick. It is a donation to Mr. France's liquor fund...err, favorite charity. And I also have a gift for you, too. Mr. Hendrick doesn't forget his friends.
M.H.: My goodness, that's very generous of Rick. Very generous, indeed. Umm...what were we talking about?
C.W.: About my talk with Jimmie before the Talladega race.
M.H.: Oh yes. You do realize that we cannot allow the integrity of the sport to be questioned or doubted. I'll have to ask you some very
         tough questions to make sure everything is on the up and up.
C.W.: Of course.
M.H.: Okay then...what's your favorite color?
C.W.: Green
M.H.: Good answer. Well then, I think we're done here. I hope you've learned your lesson.
C.W.: Why yes, I have.
M.H.: Alright then. Have a good day and tell your boss thanks for the generous gifts.
C.W.: I will, sir.

Shrub: NASCAR's T.O.?
Terrell Owens is a very talented NFL wide receiver, probably a future Hall of Famer. But he has bounced around from team to team because for all of his talent on the field, he is a cancer in the locker room. Teams put up with his crap for just so long, and then figure they have to cut ties with him. Shrub may be NASCAR's version of Terrell Owens. He undoubtedly has talent, but along with his million dollar talent he has a two dollar brain. Sometimes he really comes across as someone whose emotional development stopped at the age of eight. He still thinks he's playing with toys, except these toys are bigger, faster, more expensive, and a lot more dangerous then the ones he played with as a child. Eventually, his negatives override his positives, and it becomes time for his boss to let him go. The Felon probably could have kept him in his stable of drivers, but chose to let him go. You wonder how long it will be before The Coach, feeling a lot of heat from the 18 car's primary sponsor, cuts him loose as well. If that happens, then what? Maybe instead of starting his own Danica Series team, he'd be better off starting his own Cup team, because he might be the only owner who would want him as a driver. Sponsors are calling the shots more and more in NASCAR these days, and Shrub might be looking for a ride next year.

Weapons-Grade Stupidity
A certain writer for a certain web site that is associated with a certain four-letter sports network, who has a D.W.-sized man crush on Shrub, while writing about the incident that precipitated Shrub sitting out the Danica and Cup races at Texas last week, described Ron Hornaday, Jr. as a "journeyman" driver. Journeyman? JOURNEYMAN?!? To me, the term is used to describe an athlete who either has a minimum of talent, enough to barely keep a job, or someone who bounces from team to team. Well, that's about the LAST term I'd use to describe Ron Hornaday. Let's see: the all-time leader in Truck Series wins with 51 (including 4 this year), a four-time Truck Series Champion, and in the top five in points in 9 of his 14 years. Nope, talent isn't a question. Maybe he hops around from team to team, like some drivers. Let's see: 122 races with DEI and 174 for Kevin Harvick. 296 of his 299 races split between two teams, one of which is already defunct, and the other one that is about to become defunct. Nope, he's not a hopper. Damn "fatman", if you had bothered to do five minutes of research, you wouldn't be calling Hornaday a journeyman.

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