Loose Lug Nuts

Loose Lug Nuts by Mike Sanders

Let's Start With A Rant, Shall We?

I am not a journalist or member of the media. That's obvious from what I write and how I write. What I am is a schmoe with an opinion and a platform from which to give it. I speak only for myself; I don't pretend to speak for anybody else. That would be extremely presumptuous on my part. What I hate is when the sports media, either local or national, DOES take it upon itself to speak for me, and also to tell me who I should like and who I should dislike. According to the national sports media (and a certain four letter network in particular) if you don't worship Tiger Woods, the Los Angeles Lakers, and Notre Dame football, you're un-American (personally, I despise all three, so I guess that makes me a hardcore Commie or something). Hey, sports media: I don't remember signing a power of attorney document giving you the right to speak for me, so QUIT DOING IT!!! This bubbled to the surface a couple of weeks ago when I was reading the blog of a person (who shall remain nameless) who works as the news editor of a Michigan newspaper and who also writes a NASCAR blog (his profile says he "knows a ridiculous amount about...NASCAR..." umm...okay). The partial title of that particular blog was "Danica Patrick is tied in the points with Tayler Malsam, so where's his coverage?" Promising title...maybe this guy gets it. Ummm...no, he doesn't get it. It was a bait-and-switch. A couple of doozies from the blog:

1. "Maybe I should give him (Tayler Malsam) a call? But then again, how many of you would want to read about it?" Hey dirtbag, maybe a lot of us would like to read about him. Have you actually spoken to any real race fans about this, or are you just going to take it upon yourself to speak for us?

2. "We in the media know Danica is really not that much more special of a driver than many of her lesser-know competitors. But, and this is a really big but, they are lesser-known, and most people don't care about them." Again, who the hell are you to speak for race fans? If you want to speak for yourself, fine; don't say "most people" because you AREN'T MOST PEOPLE!!! And the reason they're lesser-known is because you and your brethren in the media are too damned lazy to cover them, and instead would rather shower undeserved praise on some low-talent semi-good looking (at best) publicity whore.


The Bimbo And The Un-Bimbo

Yes, Danica shall forever be The Bimbo, and Johanna Long is The Un-Bimbo, in that she drives under the media radar, and gets the best out of her underfunded car. I was hoping she was going to win at Daytona this past Friday night; she was in the top 10 with a handful of laps left, but alas, she ended up wrecked on the final lap and finished in 12th. Still, not bad. One thing I'm noticing the last few weeks as I read through NASCAR blogs and news articles is that Johanna is picking up quite a following. Some of the writers and commentors are saying that the main reason for this is that they're tired of The Bimbo being shoved down their throats, and instead of following someone who underperforms in the best equipment around, they would prefer to follow someone who is over achieving. I couldn't have said it better myself. Of course, The Bimbo still has her apologists out there. I had a little back-and-forth with one on Saturday. My point was that The Bimbo was receiving media coverage that was way out of proportion to her achievements on the track. This guy came back with "check the facts, she's 9th in the standings". So, I checked the facts and came back with "the facts are that only 16 drivers have run all 16 NNS races this year, so that puts her in the lower half of the full-time teams, along with such guys as Jeff Green, T.J. Bell, and Mike Wallace. I wouldn't be bragging about that". His retort was the oft-used and very tiresome "well, you think you could do any better?" Oy...and my answer to that, which ended our little internet conversation was "well, if I had been racing competitively since the age of 10 or so, and now had the best equipment money could by, then yes, I would be doing a hell of a lot better".


Junior's Win

When Junior finally won at Michigan, you would have thought world peace had broken out and that cancer had been cured. Alas, no, it was only one win. But the long national nightmare was finally over...or something. I did think it would finally give rest to those incessant "is this the week Junior finally wins?" articles that were increasing in quantity over the last couple of months. But no. The day after his win, I actually saw an article that asked "when will Junior win again"? Jeez, give the guy a break. If he's consistent, his next win will be at Michigan in 2016. As I was watching the end of the race, two things came to mind: first, the TNT booth bozos (who are just about as bad as the FOX booth bozos) spent so much time talking about how great this win was going to be for NASCAR, blah blah...that they completely lost focus on the other cars on the track. So much so that when the 55 car, which had been in the top 10 for literally the entire race, and most of that in the top 5, blew an engine with 5 laps to go (eventually finishing 29th), it was never mentioned, even after the race. The only reason I knew something was wrong was on that the crawler showing the running order and intervals the 5's distance behind the 88 suddenly grew at a very fast rate, and in one cycle he went from 5th to 29th. I kinda figured it was another blown engine for the 55 (the third in 7 races) and I was right, with no help from the guys in the booth. The second thing that came to mind with a handful of laps to go, was that this was the week that there would be no phantom debris caution to bunch up the field at the end of the race. I think the NASCAR officials figured that if they threw a bogus caution with three laps left and Junior leading by 5 seconds or so, the members of Junior Nation that were present at the race would have stormed the booth the officials were operating out of like the villagers storming Frankenstein's castle... torches, pitchforks and all. Anything short of a 50 megaton thermonuclear detonation in turn 3 wasn't going to be flagged, and even that would have been debated.


Longing For FOX?

As bad as the FOX broadcasts were for mangled camera angles and excessive booth stupidity, TNT seems to be trying out do them when it comes to horrific race coverage. Yes, their camera work is infinitely better than FOX, but the guys in the booth are getting worse instead of better, constantly talking over each other and sometimes not paying attention to the action on the track (which is what I thought they were being paid to do...silly me). And of course, the biggest concern for race fans: the gazillion commercials each race. There have been times when the race coverage is 3 minutes and the commercial time following it is 4-5 minutes. And it's happened more than once. When commercial time exceeds race coverage time, you've got a BIG problem. I know, I know, the bills have to be paid, and the rights fees have to be recouped from ad dollars, but enough is enough. And we're stuck with this TV contract until after the 2014 season. Maybe then we'll get a break. Or maybe not...


Time To Take The Wins Away?

After his dominating performance in the NNS race at Kentucky, Austin Dillon's 3 car failed post-race inspection. The win stood, and there were slap-on-the-wrist point penalties and fines. After winning the pole for the NNS race at Daytona last Friday, the 3 car again failed inspection. His time was disallowed and he was sent to the back of the field for the race; further penalties are forthcoming. In my very humble opinion, if a car wins a race and then fails post-race inspection, the win should be vacated. Everybody else in the field moves up one spot; the car that finished second is now declared the winner, and the original winning car goes to 43rd place. The argument against that is "the car that finished 2nd originally didn't cross the start-finish line first, so he can't be declared the winner". The counter-argument is "how do we know the original 2nd place car wouldn't have won if the original winning car wasn't cheating"? The discussion can go back and forth forever, depending on your point of view, but if wins that were gained because the winning car wasn't legit aren't taken away, what is to keep teams (*cough* 48 *cough*) from cheating every week? Something's got to be done, and that's the easiest and most direct thing. Instead of winners' points, you get 43rd place points for the race. That'll get drivers' and CC's attention, and quickly. Keep the win and only get docked 6 points (such as the 3 car last week)? BFD. Seriously, BFD. Six points can be made up in one week. 46-47 points (which include the bonus for winning the race and the bonus for leading one lap or the most laps)? That'll take a bit longer.

Z-Line Gone?, Ward Returning, Awesome Bill, & Some Other Things

Z-Line Gone?
　
It appears that Shrubbery’s attempted homicide of Ron Hornaday at Texas Motor Speedway angered Z-Line Designs to the point that they’ve pulled the racing sponsorship across the board. Not just in NA$CAR but also IndyCar. I guess this is sponsorship “black eye” goes rather well with the sunglasses sponsorship.
　
Magical Media Tour　
Once again, the Magical Media Tour took place and we had pretty much a rehash of last season all the way down to Faux King Brian’s “State of Racer-tainment” speech. The lamestream media was quick to take the team and NA$CAR PR sheets, reword them, and sing the praises of the infinite wisdom of Faux King Brian. Same thing as last year.
　
One of the things that came out during His Majesty’s speech was that there won’t be any more secret fines. Gee, do you think that maybe this is an effort to try to remove the 50 feet of tarnish on NA$CAR’s reputation? Faux King Brian said that you can’t denigrate NA$CAR but you can express your opinions about other things. So I guess it’s now OK to call Faux King Brian a bungling incompetent, Helton a over-bearing bully, & the rest of NA$CAR’s leadership & officials whatever you feel like just so long as you don’t denigrate NA$CAR itself.
　
"Now, having said that, you can be critical of things you don't think we're doing well, in particular a race call. You can say, 'I don't think I was speeding; I disagree with that.' We understand that. It's when you go after the integrity of the sport is where we will step in, and they will be public."　

So I guess when a driver complains about the numerous on-track appearances of Ms Terry DeBris, they’re getting into a gray area. They can say they think the appearances by Ms Terry DeBris are a major inconvenience but they can’t say the timing on them sure is funny because they always seem to come out when one of the Chosen Ones is about to get lapped.
　
Much Ado About Nothing
　
NA$CAR and the Kool Aid drinking media all seem to be going gaga over the 2013 NA$CAR model Fusion that Ford’s rolling out. While the nose looks a little more like the car it’s based off of, you can still see the Camry of Today (COT) bodylines in it. Of course, the one issue that wasn’t addressed by the media is a major problem of the Camry of Today. The mechanical issues. Things like all the mandated, sole-sourced parts and the inability of the vehicle itself to turn. Whatever happened the test results from the different tire, suspension, and steering set-ups that were done? Are we going to see a vehicle which will actually be able to turn or will it still be the same non-turning piece of junk we’ve seen before that drivers have complained about til they‘re blue in the face?
　
Happy With TV Contracts
　
It seems that Faux King Brian is oblivious to the complaints of the fans and the networks regarding the race coverage:
　
"We really like our current partners," he said. "My expectation is they want to renew their involvement with NASCAR, and my hope is at the right time we'll figure that out together. If it happens early, it's possible, or it might not. We're having conversations."　

The networks have been complaining for years that they’re losing money because they’re unable to sell on-air advertising time. Privately, some TV & media people are tired of NA$CAR dictating what will and won’t be covered and actually want to give the fans at home a better product. The fans have been complaining about the poor coverage and commentary that the networks provide along with interrupting the commercials for a lap or two of racing before having more commercials rammed down their throats. Just so long as Faux King Brian’s piggy bank is getting full, everything is OK.
　
I’ve got a feeling the Ivory Tower Gang in Daytona is going to be in for a real surprise when the networks are only willing to pony up 20-25% of what they did last time around using the same excuse Faux King Brian has been using as to why the grandstands aren‘t full and the TV ratings are scraping the bottom of the barrel. The poor economy.
　
Ward Burton Returning
　
Fellow Virginian Ward Burton is returning to the track and bringing his son Jeb with him. While the primary emphasis will be on Jeb racing in the Truck Series, if I read Ward correctly, if the sponsorship is there, we could see both him and Jeb racing against each other. I think the last father-son team to race against each other were the Earnhardts on the Cup side of things. So it could be interesting to see how well Ward & Jeb get along on the track racing each other.
　
Of course, with Ward’s return, Faux King Brian will have to get his translator out of retirement so he can understand what Ward is saying. The last time Ward said something that Faux King Brian took any interest in, it took over two weeks for him to figure out just what Ward had said. And Ward was 100% right. “That dog don’t hunt”.
　
Awesome Bill’s Return Raises Questions
　
Even though Bill Elliott appears to have a one shot deal for a July race, folks are raising questions about Slick Rick owning or fielding the car. Slick Rick has given an official explanation. He doesn’t own the car. So, it’s not a 5^th Hendrick car. It’s another satellite team like SHR.
　
But if you delve a little further into the rules, a team could theoretically field a 5^th car for a limited number of races. Such as putting a development driver behind the wheel for less than 7 races which wouldn’t jeopardize the driver’s rookie status. Or, for the non-points events, like when a driver leaves a team but is eligible to drive in the non-points events. The owner of the team the driver left from could field a car for that driver. For example, Mark Martin could drive in a non-points event for HMS providing he meets the eligibility requirements and Slick Rick is willing to field a car for him. Actually, field a car for Kasey Kahne so Mark could drive the #5 car again for the non-points event since Mark would‘ve theoretically been eligible as the driver of the #5 car.
　
Odds of this actually happening? Slim to none and Slim done left town.
　

VW Shooting for #1 Globally?
　
According to VW’s VP for Racing, VW has applied to be an engine supplier in F-1. If this is approved, it will have a global impact on VW’s sales as F-1 is a global racing entity, unlike NA$CAR which is confined to North America. Considering all the bad PR and recalls that have come from Japan the last few years, VW stands a very good chance of becoming the #1 manufacturer in the world. One question that remains unanswered is which VW entity will carry the VW on the engines? Will it be VW itself, Audi, or Porsche?
　
Austin Dillon in the #3 Cup Car?
　
Apparently there’s a rumor going around about Austin Dillon driving a car with the #3 on it in a Cup race and it has some folks foaming at the mouth. They seem to be under the misguided notion that Richard Childress owns the #3. He doesn’t own the #3. NASCAR owns the #3. Along with all the other numbers used by every single competitor. What Childress owns is the stylized #3 that was used on Dale Sr.‘s car. He holds the copyrights on it. So if he should field a car with the #3 on it, that’s his prerogative as the team owner as long as it‘s “blessed” by the Ivory Tower Gang. He could also use the stylized #3 that he has the copyrights on or he could use another font style for the #3 if he wants to.
　
Get Rid of the Top 35
　
Folks have been saying since its’ implementation that they Top 35 needs to go and we have even more proof of it this year than ever. It seems that Tony Stewart has bought the points for the #36 car of Tommy Baldwin Racing to make sure that the Queen of Hype is in the Daytona 500. And he’s also doing a deal similar to what was done at JR Motorsports to keep the QoH’s car in the Top 35 by having Roto-Reutimann filling the seats while she’s busy having temper tantrums and hissy fits because drivers are racing her too hard in the Busch Series.
　
By eliminating the Top 35, it would mean drivers would have top qualify each and every week except for a rain out during qualifying. If you make it great, if not, better luck next week. This would actually create competition, which is supposedly what Faux King Brian says is needed to get fans interest. We wouldn’t have teams sandbagging during qualifying and practice. They’d actually have to find the right set ups for qualifying and racing. Then they’d have to drive WFO during qualifying to make sure they got into the race.
　
But I keep forgetting. This actually makes sense and since it does make sense, it would immediately be disapproved by Faux King Brian and the Ivory Tower Gang in Daytona.